The Phases of Valentine’s Day

Phase One:

Pink and red construction paper hearts, white doilies, sticky candies, a foil wrapped chocolate heart. Printing your name at the bottom of each and every cartoon cut out Disney character themed card and making sure there’s one for every student in your class. Even the boys. Racing home with a brightly decorated brown paper bag mailbox and upending it to count and recount how many were delivered to you, hopefully from at least one boy.

Phase Two;

Not really wanting the ones your parents or girlfriends give you; only wanting that one that you don't get. But you really love the chocolates from Dad.

Phase Three;

Knowing that now you’ll always get the Valentine you want because you married him.

Phase Four:

Being totally jaded by the commercialism of the V day but going out for a really great date night anyhow. And maybe getting some great diamonds. I like Phase Four. (Also, Weiner Christmas)

Phase Five:

Making sure your kiddos are prepared with their Valentines, each one painstakingly signed for each of their classmates.

Phase Six:

Buying the really good chocolates to share while you Netflix and chill.

Now it’s Phase Seven:

A very Special Valentine’s Day: Peter’s getting a colonoscopy and I'm getting a mammogram.

Nothing says I love you like regular cancer screening. What phase are you in this year?

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